“Recovery is not simple abstinence. It’s about healing the brain, remembering how to feel, learning how to make good decisions, becoming the kind of person who can engage in healthy relationships, cultivating the willingness to accept help from others, daring to be honest, and opening up to doing.” ~ Debra Jay
Day 122.
Well, I consider this week to have been a successful week, even a cause for celebration. This past Tuesday was my 65th birthday, a rather significant one for many people. This is the first birthday in the past four years that I remained sober and I fully enjoyed the clarity and steadiness that has come with this recovery effort. This is the first time in years I've woken in the morning after a birthday, without a horrible hangover, without the regret and shame that always follow a period of alcohol misuse. I felt good, I felt solid, and I was looking forward to what comes in my recovery journey!
Not being alone was the most significant difference this year. In past years I have gone silent for reasons I will ponder in a future post. But this time I was enjoying "Happy Birthday" messages coming through social media, I shared a morning nature hike with a Meetup group, I had good phone conversations and well wishes with my family and friends, and I had a great afternoon and dinner with one of my best friends. The experience of the day was very uplifting and not once did I feel urges to drink.
I saw this birthday approaching and experienced some apprehension, recalling those past "lost" birthdays. Not overly concerned that I was at risk and feeling confident in my current sobriety, I was giving mindful attention to thoughts and concerns arising about the "triggers" that still exist in my memory of past years. One thought that did come to me during the evening was about how I would feel the next day, when the birthday was over, would I feel an anticlimactic "let down" and how would I deal with it. I was happy to discover the next morning that I was feeling good and ready for the new year in my life. The day after I had both a therapy session to share my success and carpet cleaning scheduled to make my apartment sparkle.
In summary, the values that were evident to me in the week and what made my birthday a special day this year was my own mindfulness and strength in my recovery, the support of family and friends, connection with others and the world, and looking forward with optimism to my sober life!
Next time, perhaps my experience with SMART Recovery or Meetup as support for my recovery.
Staying strong!
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