“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
― Viktor E. Frankl
"Pause points." My counselor used this phrase recently while we were discussing my problem of repeated lapses with alcohol use. In retrospect, my lapses have most often occurred when surrendering to urges, my desire for relief from anxiety and/or other troubling emotions, or perhaps my desire to enhance "good" feelings. Most likely a yinyang swirl of disharmonious emotions that send me into blind "reaction" mode, blunting my rational thought, giving myself unquestioned permission to seek just a glass, thinking just a little bit or for just a little while that drinking will be OK this time.
NONSENSE!! I know, when sober and with clarity, that drinking is never OK for me. My history makes it clear. I am one of those people without an off switch when drinking alcohol. "If one is good ... more is better." NONSENSE!!
The idea of "pause points", for me, is very valuable to keep in mind. It is a simple phrase that condenses the above Viktor Frankl quote. It also succinctly summarizes a critical step I have learned and practiced in the SmartRecovery program using concepts based on CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). Too many times, upon reflection, I have given in to "reaction", seemingly the easier path with no thought required, giving little to no forethought of the harms to myself and others that most often ensues. The solution here is to recognize when I am on a dangerous trajectory, sliding toward a "slip" and pausing my actions and irrational thoughts before making that purchase, having that first (and never last) glass.
Knowing I am at a "pause point" and using that time for rational thought, imagining the consequence of the choices I have at this point, the "hurt" that comes from surrendering to a lapse, the pride and strength that comes from making the healthy choice, and for me that has to be abstinence.
I'll mention three "tools" here that have worked for me in separating reaction from response:
Urge Log - A SmartRecovery tool I used in early recovery to record and track "urges" to drink. This helped to see patterns in my desires to drink and make plans to avoid "triggers" behind the urges.
Mindfulness - Being present and alert, aware of thoughts and feelings in the moment, instead of stuck in rumination or chasing worries.
Journaling - A valuable way of practicing and capturing behaviors and thoughts as a historical record and as tool for problem-solving and retrospection. “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” - George Santayana
These three tools for my recovery will be given more attention in separate posts with more depth as to how they have contributed to my continuing journey to the freedom of abstinence. Also, the subject of “automatic reactions” will be worthy of a future post.
Thanks for reading! :-)