"Celebrate yourself... and stay positive!" ... Khoudia Diop
The Oregon Coast, 2022.
78 ... 79 ... 80! Eighty days since my last lapse with alcohol, and one day more than my longest sober period in all of 2022. I know this because at the start of this photography project I read back through my journal for last year and was able to calculate the dates and lengths of my lapses and sober periods. Reading the past journal entries, I was trying to recall my reasons for lapsing and was reminded again how I've hurt myself and others in the selfish chase of "escape" from responsibility and reality. Remembering the "pain" of each lapse left me feeling down, so I chose not to look back in my prior journals for further "incidents", fanning the flames of shame. No, I decided to take "79" days as the record to beat for now.
And I've done it! Yay!! Hooray!!! Time to celebrate!!!!
No, this is not the end of my effort, but a milestone on my journey of safe sobriety. I recognize day 80 as a success, but I also know that day 81 is a day that complacency or challenge could leave me at risk of relapse. Passage of time is one factor for measuring success in sobriety, but I believe more importantly that positive changes in my beliefs, behaviors and attitudes are, though difficult to measure, the real indicators for my success. Refreshing my intention and motivations to live soberly, as I addressed in Post 06, and embracing healthy habits, as I addressed in Post 08, help me to keep focused each day.
And longer term, my design and commitment to this Recovery52 photography project provides me with a weekly deadline that both excites me and holds me accountable. The thoughts and effort that goes into each weekly blog post and related image provides for me a refresh of my purpose here. How will I feel when I finish Post 52 of this project, a full year of sobriety? Successful, I’m sure, and wanting to celebrate, no doubt. Perhaps a bit of travel, a photo workshop, or a great weekend at the beach? But I’ll also remember that day 366 is tomorrow and I will continue living with intention! And I will have new goals and maybe a new photography project in the future to give me momentum.
I am thinking on a word used above, “complacency”, as my next subject, as this underlaid some of my lapses from last year.
Have a good week!
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