“There’s not a drug on earth that can make life meaningful.
– Unknown source on the real reason to fight for drug addiction recovery.
Day 129!
This is not my first time attempting recovery from alcohol abuse. A few times I attempted the effort alone, only succeeding for short periods. Then turning to outside support I experienced recovery groups, finding one that gave me some tools and connection with others of like-mind, enjoying a longer sobriety. But, the relapses returned, for a variety of reasons, almost always for the desire to numb rather than feel the "pain" I attributed to the problems in my life.
What's different in my recovery this time is I am being mindful in my approach to the daily stressors of life. I recognize the need for "pause points" when I feel old "triggers", and I give myself time to thoughtfully respond rather than thoughtlessly react to an "irritation", and worse letting the irritations accumulate. The question that brings me back to focus when thoughts of drinking rise, whether it be to numb pain or to enhance pleasure is, "How would this serve me?"
I have firmly set the answer to this question as, "It won't", recalling the damage done to myself and my relationships. I move on, being prideful of my success in the moment and building my confidence for seeing and resolving potential stumbles.
I have recently joined a handful of Facebook groups focused on recovery and sobriety and I have begun sharing links to my photography project blog and posting occasional daily thoughts and images. As I read through the message streams of these groups, I realize that I am very fortunate, currently. So many others are just starting the work of recovery, they perhaps don't have the tools and support for the effort, and too many others are dealing with significant health, relationship and life struggles that seem overwhelming. My daily problems and frustrations seem trivial and I feel grateful to all of the group members posting their thoughts and feelings, being vulnerable and asking for help, all reminders that my journey is not as difficult as it could be. Thanks to all who are suffering and all who are sharing the journey!!
Staying mindful and strong!
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