“Sometimes, we motivate ourselves by thinking of what we want to become. Sometimes, we motivate ourselves by thinking about who we don’t ever want to be again.”
– Shane Niemeyer
Day 136 AF!!
This past week has been stable, without stumbles, no, not even close, but no celebratory wins to speak of. I've experienced a recent knee injury, limiting my activities and opportunities for nature walks. I've recognized "triggered" sensations tied to past associations, and mindfully let them pass by harmlessly. I've been honestly a bit more irritable, finding frustration in common experiences of daily living. I've found myself falling into cynical thinking, being quick to judge others, and making assumptions and conclusions about things without having needed information. But self-awareness, my recognition of steering toward "negative" thinking has allowed me time to assess and reframe my thoughts and feelings to more positive ones. I am thankful for the practice of mindfulness, knowing it is not always easy, but always necessary for my sobriety.
In the past few weeks, I've joined a handful of Facebook groups based on alcohol recovery just to keep my toe in the recovery waters, and to remind myself I am not swimming alone. I am seeing many members stumble or suffering in early recovery, and I am seeing many members with long periods of success. I know some people find success with belief in a higher power, and some find success within themselves. I know from research and the testimony of others, as well as my own personal experience that there is no "one" path to recovery. For me, finally realizing I need a why, a reason, a purpose has helped me stay on the recovery path with confidence. I'm still not fully clear on what I want but I am damned certain I don't want to live and die, drunk and alone.
And if my writings in this photography project benefits anyone in their recovery, I am proud to be of service!
Staying mindful and strong!
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